I was reminded of my new favorite coined term today, and had to share with the Internets because it should totally become a thing - like the damn mustache craze. I mustache you a question - where the F did the 'stache thing start?
For background-sake I must remind you that I have wicked awesome friends. The Hubs and I collectively have additional friends who join in our joint shenanigans, profane humor and the more than occasional adult-beverage. I am forever grateful that The Hubs has some guy friends to whom I can pawn off all discussions of: football, Bambi-catching, fishing, hockey, vehicular repair and/or any sport other than my beloved baseball.
Back to my story, and the new "it-phrase" I shall be promoting. The the convo prompting the coining of this new term occurred at some point while Bambi's dad was still fair game and I was a Hunting Widow turning to Pinterest for love. The Hubs had some friends over after completing the daily outdoorsy shit. I know the timeline because it also happened to be "No Shave November." No Shave November is a hallowed holiday in some of our friend-circles, and must be respected. The Duck Dynasty guys seem to be rockin' the beards, so why not my man? And his buddies? And all dudes or beard-happy ladies? The Hubs looks as sexy-pants with a beard as he does beardless, so I'm a big promoter of "No Shave November."
While the Hubs had friends over I was channeling June Cleaver, but with a twist of profanity and a koozied beer. My version of June Cleaver translates to me being a decent, and not fully-drunken hostess while guests are in our home. To this end I was chatting with the Hubs and our guests. Every dude in my house had a mug full of beard-tastic glory, and therefore Duck Dynasty and the glory of the beard became a topic of conversation. One of our guests had a beard that rivaled The Duck Commander - I shall dub this friend "BeardMaster." BeardMaster was disappointed in his wifey's apparent disapproval of what he considers his crowning-glory....the beard. The conversation went a bit like this (poetic license only slightly abused):
BeardMaster: "I don't think the wife is a big fan of my beard."
Miffy: "Really? How can she not? I LOVE that the Hubs grew a beard."
BeardMaster: "She may dislike the scratchy-face for kissing purposes. I'm experiencing 'kiss-neglect' as we speak."
Miffy: "There is no excuse for such blatant beard-bigotry. I applaud the beard-movement. My Hubs looks sexy with a beard and it makes me want to jump him even more often."
BeardMaster: "Seriously?"
The Hubs: "She's serious, and her love of my beard is totally working out for me right now! Although, Miffy may be a bit too fond of my beard. I have to hold her off with a stick to get any work done around here, so I can satiate my OCD. [Hubs commences sarcastic laughter]"
Miffy: "You like it, so hush, but seriously...what woman in her right mind doesn't find a man with a beard sexy as all holy hell? WTF? You should have to turn down lovin' from the wifey during 'No Shave November'"
BeardMaster: "Miffy, you have some serious BEARD RESPECT."
The Hubs: "Miffy, it takes a lot of work to maintain these sexy-man-beards so I'm actually doing you a favor. Therefore you owe me like a million favors in return. One favor for every sexy bit of facial hair I have to groom."
Miffy: "Hubs, you are not allowed to use the almighty beard for any additional advantages other than some good lovin'"
BeardMaster: "Miffy can you chat with the wife? She needs to gain some more Beard Respect and maybe you can persuade her."
BEARD RESPECT should go viral and/or become a "thing" like the godforsaken mustache jazz. It is just bizarre enough to catch on, and it is the opposite of "fetch" so I think we can pull together and make it happen. If not, I maintain that "Beard Respect" should be a thing and we could all stand to respect the beard a bit more. Duck Dynasty would approve.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a graphic designer, nor do I have neat graphic design tools on my home PC. Forgive my terrible graphic representation of "Beard Respect."
No Beard Respect here. I can only imagine what this household would look like with the addition of beard hair on top of everything else.
ReplyDeleteI would allow the stache though, I know, we're always on opposite sides. However, I would require it be 70's porn-style stache if it was anything at all. And that's practically a beard.