Proposal for Highschool Ed-Ja-Ma-Ca-Shun

I disagree with all these nostalgic idgits who think that high school was the 'prime of their life' and constantly whine that they are miss high school. Bullshit. High school sucked. 

I personally hated high school with a fiery passion. No, I was not the nerdy kid who got bullied or any of that nonsense. I just went to a piss-poor excuse of a high school, and the attempted brain-washing didn't really sit well with me. That's a story for another day. For the record though, I told my mother the narcissists running that place were nutbags, and she refused to believe her teenage "drama-queen." It was not until ten years later that she admitted the err of her ways and finally believed me. A little late to fix shit and send me to a decent school, but yet still so satisfying to say, "I TOLD YOU SO!" 

The reason I was reminded of my traumatic high school experience is during a terrifying conversation I came to the realization that my younger cousin was being taught little if any of the tools she would need in her adult life. In the spirit of being failed by one's high school, I have compiled a list of things that should be taught in high school that currently are not being taught...to my knowledge:

1. How to Balance a Checkbook - What do you do when you are 7 cents off? Since I was not taught what to do, as an 18 year old newly on my own I said "fuck it" and just started over with what the bank said I had in there. The bank is better at math than I am (although they likely do not have my best interests in mind). Case and point. 
2. Credit Card Etiquette - I still do not understand the intricacies of the land of credit cards and am thankful for my financially-savvy Hubs. When should one use a credit card vs. a debit card for the reason of building credit and being financially prudent? Who knows! This shit makes no sense. I once was rejected for a credit card because I paid my balance in full every month on my previous card. Seriously? WTF Mate?!?!
3. Medical Bills Dance to Their Own Beat - AKA if you fall down a flight of stairs and rack up a butt-ton of medical charges for all the broken bones, contusions and the cranial bleed - you just have to pay something every month and you won't get in trouble. If you can only afford to pay 5 bucks a month, it may take you 59 years to pay back your bill but they cannot send you to collections or charge you interest if you are paying them a "reasonable" amount on a regular basis. You may have to explain why 5 bucks is a reasonable amount for you - but it's worth it to not go to collections. What you should NOT do is pay for your absurdly overpriced medical bills with your credit card. Credit card companies DO charge interest and they require you to pay much more than 5 bucks a month if you charge up to and past your credit limit. They may even steal your soul and or left kidney as payment. They will also not hesitate to send your ass straight to collections. See number 2 to explain why I note this one.... 
4. How to Save - Let's face it, people keep saying that the Social Security system is doomed, and the youngins will not get a dime. Maybe these same yahoos who preach about the failure of Social Security should give a few pointers on the easy and proper way to save money throughout life so that you can actually support yourself during retirement. What a goddam novel concept. I feel like I have seen 17 Yahoo! articles in the last 6 months that gave better pointers on this subject than were ever broached in high school. Yahoo! taught me more than high school. How pathetic. 
5. Don't Fuck with Nerds - Nerds are the friends you want to have. As a group, and in my individual experience, they are mostly way better friends in the long run than the cheerleader or jock type (not applicable to everyone, so shut your pie hole if you don't fit that mold). They are also likely the very smart ones who will wind up being the successful adults. You don't want the uber-successful people from your high school to remember you as the asshole who ruined their fun in back in the day. 
6. College is WAY Better - The teachers try to scare you into spending all your free time studying by telling you how much harder college will be and that you should prepare. That is only partly true and the benefits and opportunities to do really fun/stupid things WAY outweigh the hard work. 
7. Mortgages, Renters Insurance and Leases - When and how to not get screwed by big ass companies and opportunistic jackasses. This is important stuff. When I rented my first apartment I very well could have agreed in writing to donating my ovaries, unicorn babies and blood for testing purposes. For all I knew and understood on that lease agreement I may have legally agreed to damn near anything. I had not a clue what it all meant. They need to teach THAT in school if any parents want a prayer of their kids moving out within a decent period of time. Most kids don't have a down payment for a house right out of high school. 
8. How to Cook a Decent Meal - Yes I know that HomeEc exists, but I don't think it is properly taught. Ramen noodles run entirely too rampant as a college student staple for high school HomeEc to have actually been successful. HomeEc FAIL. I ate so many ramen noodles throughout college and in my later bout with near poverty, that I could have participated in an experiment to see how long it took ramen noodle consumption to kill a person. I conquered it. Thanks for asking.
9. The Person in Charge May be Wrong - Or worse, the person in charge may actually be leading you down a path of doom and felonies. Pretend to follow, because they can ruin your grades or get your ass kicked out which would ruin your chance to get into your choice college - but for real do not follow their lead if they are wrong. Think for yourself. I had an amazing teacher who went against everyone else and actually pointed out when the 'powers that be' were wrong. That teacher ROCKED and was the only good example among them. In life the leaders (read: Politicians) usually are way more screwed up than you could ever imagine. 
10. Don't Buy Shit if You Don't Have the Money - This should be fairly self-explanatory, but obviously it's not. I used to be acquainted with a household of 4 adults and 3 kids, of which not ONE adult had a legit job. This household was supported by: welfare, unemployment, disability and drug-dealing. Out of the 4 adults I only respected the drug-dealer. He was the most legit of that group because at least he earned his money, albeit illegally, but I'm not splitting hairs on that one. The problem is that these same people kept buying giant flat screen TV's and smart phones. Really? You're on food stamps but you are bragging about your new iPhone? I myself fell into a different trap. I have my pride and therefore I recklessly and imprudently spent MY OWN money. High school politics are very deceptive and really encourage the whole "keeping up with the rich cheerleader" mentality. You don't need a new iPod. You want one. On that note, high school should really have a whole stinking class on the difference between needs and wants. I know way too many adults (read: 'leeches on the government's boob') who still can't tell the difference. 

(DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for your finances and if your dumbass makes medical, financial or any decision based upon my satirical and blatantly sarcastic blog, then I am not liable. You agree to this condition by reading my blog. Ha.)