MegaTron and Optimus Prime Could Totally be BFF's

Back when Dane Cook was still funny, may his hilarity rest in peace (makes sign of the cross like the good christian Italian I am), he did a bit about naming all of his kids after Transformers. This particular bit prompted the creation of a pact between myself and my good friend Highlander to bastardize the idea and take it to a whole new level. 

Highlander and I decided that we would BOTH name our kids after competing Transformers. We would do this because we are batshit crazy or quite possibly in order to prompt either fantastical fights or majestic treaties. We would each have only little Decepticon or little Autobot crotch-spawn. Highlander will therefore be naming all her crotch-spawn after Decepticons, whereas I will name all of mine after Autobots. 

There is the obvious issue of our kids being subject to the horrific suffering of the inability to find a keychain with their name on it, but there's always the Transformer items available! My primary concern with this plan is maybe if we name our children in this fashion they will be forever destined to be mortal enemies, and potentially battle to the death in our front yard by turning themselves into bitchin' cars and shit. I would really like my kids to have a wonderfully-crazy friend like Highlander, so I'm debating the pros and cons. Also, I simply cannot have my six year old morphing into a sweet mustang when all I have is a very dirty hand-me-down SUV. That's bullshit. 

If I were so inclined to actually come through on our ill-advised pact and potentially subject my children to years of therapy - I totally have a plan in place so I can be prepared. Also, to appease the parents I would give the kiddos Christian middle names so they can shut the hell up about it already. 

My Favorite Autobot Names for My Potential Future Kids:

1. Optimus Prime (This name would clearly be reserved for my firstborn son)
2. Jazz (Maybe she will be into music and shit)
3. Bumblebee (I believe this will be my quiet child who is so VERY ADD that they cannot help but fly around from activity to activity).
4. Prima (I'm a little iffy on this one because my automatic reaction to this name is to turn it into "Prima-Donna", and I don't want a whiny little princess running around mucking up my gene pool)
5. Alpha Prime (This would be reserved for my firstborn daughter just to trip up the whole "alpha-male" crap that certain dudes always throw around. My daughter will be the Alpha-Chick and those cocky macho morons who think they are "Alpha-Males" can just ruminate on that while they lift their weights and chug their protein drinks).
6. Ironhide (This child shall have nerves of steel and will not succumb to any bullies. They will be the defender of my other crotch-spawn).
7. Inferno (I think maybe this kid should be adopted by Highlander, who is much more of a pyro than myself - maybe she will be able to deal with this little fiery handful).
8. Siren (I feel like I may be dooming this kid to a life of manipulating men named Ulysses. Good thing that name isn't ultra popular).
9. Blurr (This kid better get into the damn Olympics as a runner. It would be my crowning glory if Blurr could run so fast he/she beats all standing records).

The Only Decepticon Names I Remember that Highlander Chose (because my dumb ass lost the list - Highlander can feel free to correct me via comment):

1. Megatron
2. Starscream
3. Ramjet
4. Rampage (added by me because Highlander is destined to have a child to fit this name)

UPDATE: Highlander chose to answer my blog duel in her gloriously irreverent and self-declared "...atheist pirate hooker sailor Marine in a poop and incendiary firefight..." type humor. I am going to take the liberty of being the judge, the jury and the 1950's husband - I declare Highlander to be the uncontested winner of this duel. I must surrender. The sole reason for my surrender is her observation of an absolutely critical point which I failed to notice or clarify. Under no circumstances will I ever even consider popping nine kids out my no-no-zone. If the Hubs saw this post sans-clarification he would have hit the roof with the propulsion of steam shooting violently out every facial orifice.  To clear up any misunderstandings, I will settle on having two kiddos - a boy and a girl. And they shall be called Optimus-Prime MIchael (the fightin' angel) and Alpha-Prime Mary (cuz we all know that will appease my mother). To that end, I tip my hat to Highlander and her future crotch-spawn, Megatron Caliber.